March 05th 2021 - Facing Our Fears Around Pregnancy
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command
The Youngbloods, 1967
For many women who have not yet become mothers, fear is the psychological reason ..though usually they are unaware of it ...that they have not yet become pregnant.
You see, the hypothalamus, a tiny almond shaped organ in the brain, control both ovulation and implantation. When a woman is stressed it tends to shut down ovulation and implantation.
But why would a woman be afraid of becoming pregnant, of being a mother, or of never being a biological mother?
Maybe the woman’s mother had a difficult time during pregnancy or birth. And even if this was not talked about much, the woman knows this.
All Spirit Babies are aware of their mother’s feelings during pregnancy, from morning sickness to concerns about social support to the actual experience of labor itself . If the child is a girl, those intense, anxious, sometimes painful memories are subconscious to be sure, but they are activated when the woman is contemplating getting pregnant.
This is why I always ask the woman with undiagnosed infertility about her mother’s experiences of pregnancy.
In a typical case, the healthy young woman, with no known fertility issues, and her husband, also healthy with no known issues, have been unable to get pregnant.
The woman’s mother had only one extremely prolonged and painful labor When she got pregnant again, she chose abortion.
The woman knew this, was matter-of-fact about it. But the important part of the message was not what she was able to talk about as an adult. The important part of the message was what she experienced just prior to her own birth, when the mother was resolving, internally or perhaps out loud, that she was never going to go through this again.
These were the very first messages about pregnancy and childbirth which she received, and they had a lasting impact, as initial experiences of any sort often do.
The fact that one’s mother chose never to experience a painful childbirth again, does not mean that the daughter has to effectively shut down her own system. This can be healed by the conscious choice to have a different experience. For example, a home birth, a midwife, soothing music, a water birth.
Hypnosis for fertility can also reassure this woman that she has the power to heal whatever caused the fertility problem. And equally important, she can learn to communicate with her Spirit Baby so that the legacy of hurt is not passed down.
In what might appear to be an opposite–case scenario, a woman had struggled long and hard to have a baby. Now she has one, but she has no patience for her baby’s crying, and in fact gets angry at the infant. The child’s cries trigger memories of her own time as an infant, when her mother was not patient with her and she felt abandoned. So this mother is almost taking out her own frustration as a baby on her own tiny daughter.
How can we heal these primal wounds?
Perhaps the first step is to understand that whatever we may have experienced when we were extremely vulnerable, either before birth or shortly thereafter, does not have to affect either ability to conceive, or ability to nurture our children. As adults we have far more choices.
A child crying does not mean that one is a bad mother. The child has limited ability to express its needs, and every mother can develop an intuitive response which lets her know just what is required. Almost all the time, a simple loving hug, rocking, singing, or a soft soothing voice, will work wonders.
There are also women who are afraid that they will miss out on the wonderful experience of carrying their own child. Women who, even in their fifties, insist that this is the only way they will be “real” mothers.
To counter that thinking I recommend that they read a wonderful book, A Long Way Home, written by Saroo Brierly. This grown-up adoptee was a starving child in India for five years , got lost , was unable to find his home again, and was adopted by an Australian couple .
They gave him the food, clothing, shelter, and education which his loving but single mother had been unable to provide for him. The couple who adopted him were able to have their own children, but they chose to give a home and a future to two desperately poor children who needed them.
A Spirit Baby may choose to go to the parents who can give him what he needs. The guides and angels can arrange the details. The author of this book eventually found his Indian mother again. But he had two families now, each equally real.
The point is that here are no limits to the healing which love and understanding can provide. For the adult who is mature enough to do the forgiveness work, to be kind both to themselves and to the mothers who did the best they could, here are some more lines from the Youngbloods
Love is but a song to sing
Fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird is on the wing
And you may not know why
Come on people now.
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Article by Christine Nightingale
Nightingale Natural Healing
72 Newbridge Crescent
Brampton, Ontario L6S 4B3
This article is from my book Spirit Baby Two, which is available from Amazon. I have helped hundreds of clients overcome fertility issues through learning to communicate with their future children.